A stranger in the house

The guilt of a working mum has never quite left me. At the back of my head, I am always thinking my kids would be much more happier and much more smarter if I was at home nurturing them, instead of out of the home, working.

I know. I've been a working mum for more than eight years now, and a working wife for all of eleven years, and that I should've been able to deal with this by now. But you know, I still wonder if I could've been a better mum and perhaps even a better wife, if I stayed at home.

For one, I wouldn't need a domestic helper. Helga, a year on, is not working out. If looks can be deceiving, she is a major deception. But she doesn't know her cover is blown. Yet.

The thing is though, having a complete stranger come stay in your house, especially in a small apartment like ours, simply means that there is no escaping each other. We try our best to make them feel at home, and be sympathetic and understanding to them because they are so far away from their own family in an environment that is so new and overwhelming. But at the end of the day, we don't know who they are. What they did before they stepped into our house, and what their intentions are.

Looking back, the husband and I made a mighty leap of faith for leaving a helper alone while Danial was only 2 months old. We have had no support from our parents - and the reasons are many for this.

Things are better now, though. My kids are very outspoken. They tell us things that they see and hear, and if anything sounds suspicious, the husband and I investigate before coming to a conclusion.

The plan is, when Sara reaches middle or upper primary level, we will do away with having a helper. Our thoughts are around leaving them at the husband's sister, who is a SAHM. That's a really attractive idea and we're working towards that. However, we're talking about five or even six years down the road, and anything could happen in that time and we might still end up with a domestic helper still.

Unless of course I discover a way of not doing housework and still be a SAHM :)