I had the most annoying discussion ever with someone at work. If it was work-related I wouldn't even bother to blog about, but this is about life and family and choices.
This colleague is at a crossroads in her life. The work environment is becoming quite toxic and she is thinking of leaving. But she is hesitating because she wants to start a family. So we went back and forth as to why I think she should remove those self-imposed restrictions on herself. And the truth came out.
The reality is, according to her, employers don't like their female staff to go and start a family. I told her I had gone through three pregnancies; the first time, I came into a job not knowing I was already pregnant, and then I had two pregnancies at another workplace. So I told her my experience says she's wrong.
She told me she would be pi$$ed off if she hired someone and found out that that person is pregnant in a short space of time - don't even ask how she defined "short space of time". And that was the essence of her own debilitating fear. Because of her own prejudices - against OTHER women - she is incapable of seeing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I told her she is her own biggest enemy and left it at that. And the sad truth is that her reality is crippling her.
And you know, as I sit here and think about it, I do realise that women can be their own worst enemies. We are harder on each other, we want to be everything to everyone and we want to be there for everyone all the time. Something's got to give. But at the end of the day, I have a lot to be thankful for. I am not that colleague of mine.
From a very young age, I knew what I wanted in life. I was prepared to, and in fact I did, give up some things in life to go after what I want. And was it worth it? Heck, yes. Because for me, my family comes first. And if ever, an employer told me I am a lesser contributor because of that, I know what I'll do. I will leave without hesitation. Because a job is a job is a job. My career is important, but it's not a life and death situation. But women - or even men - who attach their self worth and identity to the job, well, what can I say...
Upate: I can't seem to post links in the comments page, so here they are:
Re-posting the links
http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2005/20050618_-_lawdoesprotectpregworkers.print.html?Status=1
http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2006/20060718-unfairlysackedpregnantmumscanseekmomshelp.html
http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2006/dismissed_employees.html
5 comments:
Not being that familiar with Singapore labor law, is there any protection for women who become pregnant in such a situation as your colleague described? In the US, there is a law that protects women from such a situation and, in one case, a friend of mine did get fired for having gotten pregnant with her first child right before being hired. (She knew she was 2-3 months along and wasn't showing, obviously, at that time; when she started to show, the company fired her. We told her to "sue the bastards," but she wouldn't because she and her husband were trying to get their green cards (PR status) at the time and didn't want to make waves.) Are small companies scared enough of the government that they wouldn't do to a woman here what that company did to my friend?
Hard to say, JD. I think the smaller firms are the most likely to fire pregnant staff because they have to cough up that three months maternity leave and backfill the headcount. I found this on MOM's website http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2006/20060718-unfairlysackedpregnantmumscanseekmomshelp.html
and this http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2007/20070717-Reply_VSS.html
Both statements suggest to me that there aren't any strict guidelines on firing pregnant staff. I mean, the term "just cause for dismissal" can be interpreted quite broadly. The only recourse for these women is to make an appeal to MOM.
Singapore is more well-known to be business-friendly than work force-friendly. Oops, my cynicism is showing yet again.
Re-posting the links
http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2005/20050618_-_lawdoesprotectpregworkers.print.html?Status=1
http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2006/20060718-unfairlysackedpregnantmumscanseekmomshelp.html
http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/press_room/press_replies/2006/dismissed_employees.html
Hope it works this time around...
As-Salaamu 'alaikum,
The links do work. Try double-clicking on the URLs so that the entire line is highlit at once, then Ctrl+C (copy), then clear the address bar and paste with Ctrl+V (if you right-click and the whole address bar is highlit, just paste; otherwise select all, then paste). It seems that the text got truncated by the page template, but it's all there.
Thanks and welcome, Yusuf! :)
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