Money talks

After the husband's parents came to meet my parents in the traditional way of seeking their approval in asking for my hand in marriage, my mother came up to me with a few worldly wise advice.

The first thing she told me was that I needed to improve on a lot of things in preparation for my being someone's wife. The reality is I can't cook for nuts although I do a very mean job of cleaning the house. Clearly, that was not going to cut it. According to her, the way to a man's heart is via his stomach, and you can only do that with good food, not with a toilet brush or Clorox.

So besides having to learn how to cook - she had given up on teaching me how to bake; sometimes you just have to know and accept your limitations, no? - she gave me a long talk about how I need to ensure I am financially independent. So the subtle nuance behind that last advice is, whatever you do, do not freaking stop working. Coming from a housewife, it makes you sit up and listen and be all confused all at the same time.

Anyways, I never stopped working. Not because I didn't want to be dependent financially, but also because I like my job. And it makes it more crucial for me to continue working now because my parents depend on me.

The third advice she had for me, was that I need to make sure I have a secret stash of money that no one else knows about including the spouse. This is to be called the Rainy Day fund. Others call it the slush fund. She reckons this is really necessary to set aside because you never know when you'll need it. And I believe she wasn't talking about needing it for a new handbag.

Then I read this story.

The husband and I share various bank accounts. I maintain a couple of accounts myself and so does he. But we are very open to sharing how much or little we have.

I have since learnt that many of my girlfriends think that too much sharing of that kind of information is not a good idea. They agree with my mother, in that all women need to have their secret squirrel savings account that is so secret even their husband or partner don't know it exists. I also have friends whose husband don't really know how much they earn every month; likewise they don't know how much their husband brings home. They only need to know that every bill is either split up between them and the rest is, well, better left unknown.

I'm beginning to feel like a freak because amongst all my friends, I'm the only who believes you need to completely remove your kimono when you get married. There should be no secrets. I don't see why you need to keep things away from each other when you have already promised the rest of your life with the other person. Maybe I am a freak. And naive.

But I know I would be darn hurt if I ever found out the husband had his slush fund kept away somewhere. Because I could sure use that money for that other handbag I've been eyeing.