Holding back

I had a terrible time driving into work this morning. Nearly had an accident when a truck decided to suddenly swerve into my lane and came thisclose to hitting my front passenger door.

I hit the brakes and pressed the horn and screamed. What I really, really wanted to do was roll down the window and curse him in three different languages, followed by a well-timed flipping of the birdie. But of course I didn't do any of that. I have too much self-restraint, I swear. And this self-restraint can be hard to bear.

Last Saturday, I had a doctor's appointment. The doctor was caught up with another patient at another hospital and because I didn't want to sit and wait at his clinic, I told the nurse to call me when he gets there, while I go to a cafe and have some tea. While I was at the cafe, sipping my tea, I could hear a little girl throwing a tantrum and I turned to look to see a toddler, crying her eyes out, screaming at her mum.

The mum had another girl - perhaps 5-year old or so - to contend with, and she looked like she could do without the attention the little girl was attracting to both of them. What irked me - till today - is that the man she was with (I presumed it was her husband) - was also yelling at her! She looked so distraught having to deal with a screaming kid, another kid who looked like she's going to burst out crying, and a man who is yelling at her.

What I really, really wanted to do was to give her a big hug to tell her all will be okay - the kids will quiet down. And when that happens, please feel free to give this man who's been yelling at you, a good sock in his face and I'd be very happy to help you do it if you've got your hands full.

But no, I held back, looked away and felt so sorry for her.

This holding back business has done well for me in some instances; I've learnt how to bite my tongue and to use different, more polite words to say what I mean - all in the name of maintaining harmonious relationships. Just today, someone at the office commented how I'm always smiling and looking happy.

If only he gets a peek into my brain.