My mum

Seeing that Chinese New Year will be upon us this weekend, and we in Singapore have the Monday and Tuesday off, makes me think of my mum. What's the connection? Not sure. I just feel like writing an ode to my mum, the bestest role model/inspiration/cook for me.

My mum is a bit of a feminist. She is a feminist in her actions. She runs rules the roost. My dad brings home the (halal) bacon but my mum is in-charge. Everyone listens to her, including my dad, till today.

When I was 13 and had to choose either Technical Study or Home Economics as an additional subject at school, her immediate reply was to choose Technical Study. I was really attracted to the gorgeous colourful aprons that would be made available to me during Home Econs lessons, but mum said she could teach me cooking and sewing at home and I might as well learn how to work with steel and wood at school. Because I was a really meek and obeying girl (still, am. Ask the husband.), I said OK and donned that icky dark blue apron.

Technical Study was tough. I had to file and drill those metal sheets and make I-don't-know-what stuff. And I also had to make a door stopper from that piece of wood. I didn't like doing all those things. Then I discovered I could use them boys in the class to do those hard work for me. All I had to do, I realised, was to smile, say "please, could you help me file this?" and smile and say "thank you" and smile. It worked like magic. ALL the time. It also helps that I was the only girl in the class. So in the end, after this discovery, all I had to do was draw the plan and pass my piece of wood or metal to one of the obliging boys. At that time, I didn't know they were all horny. I just thought they were really nice and helpful and friendly.

So, back to my mum. The Malay community has this thing about marrying off their daughters as early as possible. In my days, the worst Malay mother's fear is to have a daughter who is not married in their 20s (their worst nightmare now is of course their teenage daughters getting pregnant out of wedlock). It was common for me to be going to weddings where the brides would be 18. In fact, I had a friend who got married when she was 16, straight after her GCE 'O's exams. But not my mum.

My two sisters and I were never pressured. Her only request was that we made sure we ourselves are financially stable and that the man we marry are loving, responsible, good Muslims. She didn't care what race or colour they were. He could be green with blue polka dots, and it would be OK...I think? So in the end, my sisters and I married when we were in our late 20s/early 30s. Early by some other standards, but labelled spinsters in my community.

So besides cooking and cleaning, mum taught us patience and grace. These she taught by how she talks and manages relatives, us kids and my dad. I love my dad to bits, but you know, mencanbesuchbabies. She showed us how we can get our way not by screaming and stomping, but by being kind and patient.

So there you go. My mum.