A decade of...

Yesterday marked our 10th wedding anniversary. We took a day off and spent the entire day together. It was pretty nice. Just hanging out, shopping for my present and his present and eating and talking. As you can tell, just hanging out is a rarity and hence a real treat for us.

The odd thing is, I myself could not believe that we've been married for this long. Telling people that I am taking a day off to celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary was weird. I was as surprised to hear myself saying "10th wedding anniversary". Not kidding.

It has not been smooth sailing. There were so many times in this marriage that I was ready to call it quits. Ready to leave in a huff and screaming vulgarities at the husband. Sometimes, its a reaction to something big that hurt me, other times, for the smallest thing. In one of our talks, I learnt that the husband also felt the same way.

Then came the kids. Having kids forces you to be less volatile. To behave more like an adult. Because the responsibility that you have in determining their life and future is immense.

So I guess I'd see my married life in three phases. Phase 1 was when we were still getting used to being married. The concept of having a husband, and for him, having a wife, was completely alien even though we dated for five years before we got married. We were competitive in the most insane way. For example, we would keep count of how many times each of us had to do the housework and if one party falls short, all hell break lose. This of course also included tabulating how many nights out he had with his friends, how much money I spent on shopping, everything. Phase 1 is over. The lesson we learnt from that part of our life, is that we had to be less selfish and be gentle and loving to each other. Sounds like a no-brainer, but heck, it was a very painful lesson to learn.

Phase 2 is when the kids start to enter our lives. Getting used to the additional responsibilities was bloody overwhelming. Starting with changing diapers and burping babies. To now, explaining why and how the sky changes its colour as well as ensuring they grow up knowing lying, cheating and hitting others are not acceptable behaviours.

In the process though, we made the mistake of centering our lives around the kids. That didn't come out right, but what I meant to say is that we didn't do anything else that did not involve the kids. As a result, we drifted apart and that makes for many temptations to present its ugly head. And so, the reason for flirting with thoughts of leaving take on a more serious tone. We both felt like we had to give all of ourselves to the kids that we didn't have any energy for each other. It took some dramatic turn of events to realise that mistake and we are both still learning to ensure we spend time together and alone, so we don't lose our individual identity. But most importantly, so that we are happy people. I was fraught with guilt at the thought of not "being there" for my kids 24/7, but I am learning - still am!

Phase 3, I foresee is when the kids start their own lives and that would see the husband and I coming full circle. Life without the kids. I can't picture that life without choking back on tears because I can't imagine life without the kids. But it will come whether I like it or not, so I'd best be prepared and be happy when it does!

In the meantime, I'm going to remind myself the most important lesson of all that I've learnt. I have to take care of myself, so that I can take care of my loved ones. A healthy and happy me makes a healthy and happy husband and the sum of that makes healthy and happy kids.

I love you, my sayang!