Too little time

...but too much to say. This Ramadhan has been quite eventful. I lost a dear aunt two weeks ago. We were on our way to visit my aunt in the hospital when we got a call that she passed away right after Isha'. My mum is still grieving the loss of her elder sister and I just don't know how to comfort her.

I joined forces with family members to help save a marriage that was on the rocks. Insha Allah, it helped the couple to see the situation more clearly and be more mindful of how their words and actions can hurt each other. That was such an eye-opener because as I listened to the other family members speak, I realise there is a lot of lessons there that I could learn, too.

As Ramadhan is making its exit, I can't be thankful enough for the opportunity to experience it again and pray that I will be given another chance next year, insha Allah.

With that, I pray that our fasts and ibadah are accepted and Eid Mubarak to you and yours.

Truly, He knows...

...what's in our hearts. I was just quietly lamenting the fact that I haven't been reading the Qur'an as much as I'd like to. And tonight, I pulled Yusof Ali's translated Qur'an and randomly pulled a surah to read. I was struck as I was finishing reading surah Al-Muzammil...

"...He hath turned to you (in mercy): read ye, therefore, of the Qur'an as much as may be easy for you. He knoweth that there may be (some) among you in ill-health; others travelling through the land, seeking of Allah's bounty; yet others fighting in Allah's Cause, read ye, therefore, as much of the Qur'an as may be easy (for you); and establish regular Prayer and give regular Charity; and loan to Allah a Beautiful Loan. And whatever good ye send forth for your souls ye shall find it in Allah's Presence,- yea, better and greater, in Reward and seek ye the Grace of Allah. for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

I can't even begin to tell you how that surah made me feel :'(

Quick update

Just coming up for air now and wanted to very quickly wish Ramadhan Kareem to all. I'm hoping there will be less distractions for me this year. Last year we MOVED house and all sense of calm went out the door. I know, I shouldn't complain and in the spirit of Ramadhan, I'll stop there.

I've been very organised this year...the girls', my helper, my parents and I have all got our Eid clothes (hurray!). The only two who haven't are the husband and Danial. We bought ours in Melaka before Ramadhan because these are way cheaper there and we didn't want to have to shop when fasting. So I kinda feel sorry for the husband and Danial for not being able to pick theirs (lack of size and design and colour) and wish them well as they'll have to wade through the crowd and heat in Geylang or someplace to get theirs. I ain't going nowhere near anywhere crowded especially when fasting, thankyouverymuch.

And all the cookies have been ordered, although my mother and helper are hell-bent on baking some cookies at home. They think the smell of freshly baked cookies is part of the anticipation of Eid. I told them I am happy to sponsor the ingredients and be the main taste tester but I ain't slogging in front of the oven at night.

The husband unfortunately still has a couple of work trips he has to be on which couldn't be rescheduled. I, on the other hand, am a maverick as I've been able to manouvre my way to ensure all my trips are happening after Eid. I know. I am good *looks away in amazement*.

Sara is starting half day fasts and has said she'd want to attempt full day fasts on the weekend. Hurray! The other two kids are at the stage where they just do it; no fuss no drama. Iftar will be simple although we might go a little overboard on weekends when the kids have the privilege of making a request each. We'll see how that goes.

I on the other hand, besides wanting all the good spiritual things from Ramadhan, want to lose some weight and am keeping an eye on the weighing scale along with food intake and some exercise.

So anyway, Ramadhan Kareem everyone and may our fasts be accepted.

I'm almost afraid to say this...

...but I see some of me in this hilarious video.

Mom Song - Celebrity bloopers here

The experience

I had my first ever volunteer gig two weeks ago by going over to the family center for the first time. At first look, the center looks like any after-school care center. The only difference is the kids in that particular center are underprivileged. Some do not have parental care - their parents are either in jail, rehab or just not there. Some have parents who have to work all day and night and that leave the kids with an empty home to return to.

I was very nervous attending. Not least because I was late as I couldn't find the center. I didn't know what to expect. I was certainly not expecting the kids to gather round me and chatting amongst themselves, trying to figure out what language I spoke or what race I was. It became quite funny when I started introducing myself and a couple of hands were raised to get help for homework. However, my first assignment was to help a P2 boy with his Malay homework by virtue of the fact that the other volunteers couldn't help him with that homework.

The one-page assignment took longer than I anticipated...that little boy could hardly recognise the alphabet, let alone read. Sigh. I wanted to teach the boy some phonics, I cajoled him into making the sounds of the letters that were in front of him. He left the table after every 10 minutes because he lost interest. Each time, I had to call him back to the desk and reminded him he needed to complete his homework or else he wouldn't be allowed to join the other activities.

Once that homework is done, the boy quickly shoved the worksheet in his bag and ran off to another group who was playing a boardgame. I didn't realise this but I had a little girl who had been patiently waiting for me to finish with the homework. She had a book in hand and had wanted me to read the book to her.

She took my hand and led me to the reading corner and sat down next to me. We read a book about a spotty bunny how this bunny was very different from his siblings who were all white and had pink eyes. While reading, I asked her a couple of questions about the story to see if she was listening and she was. I tried asking her to read a couple of lines, but she just kept silent and pointed me back to the book. I only learned her name at the end of my 3 hour visit there. She asked me if I was coming back soon to read to her again.

I think I will.

Iqra'!*

I used to read almost a book a week pre-kids era. Work was hectic then but the evenings was when I would cradle a book in my hands, ferociously going through each word and inquiring the story, character, plot and sometimes, even trying to second guess and question the author's intentions. When the kids entered my world, I was happy to cradle them instead in my arms. And now, since the kids are too big for my arms, I am back to cradling books. Circle of life in action here, people.


In the six months or so, I have completed reading The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama and Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Relin. And I must say, both books are equally inspiring.


As both books show, education is the key to success. Sounds like a no-brainer but in far flung and war-torn places in Pakistan and Afghanistan, it is quite a feat. I am inspired by Greg Mortenson's simple philosophy - he wants to make a difference in the world by educating children, especially girls. He broke many stereotypes in his book - of mullahs, mujahideen and of Islam, especially. Through humanity, he shows that we are all not that different - every parent has a big dream for their children that are only stifled by the environment they live in. Some want to send their kids to school but there are either no schools or they can't afford to. Greg's mission is to build secular schools that are free. The villagers come together to build those schools together with funding from Greg's non-profit organization.


Obama's unique childhood and his quest for knowledge to better the community he is in, is inspiring. The efforts his late mother made to ensure he is not sidelined in education because of his colour, is touching.

What the two biographies really demonstrate is the important need for education to level the playing field. It is a no-brainer but it is unbelievable that there are children in this century who still has no access to schools and teachers or in this little island, children who can't or won't go to school because of the environment they are in.

And so, to walk the talk, I have volunteered myself in a literacy programme which kicks off in a couple of days. I will be working with a group of underprivileged kids to encourage them to read. I'm a little bit nervous and excited at the same time. Wish me luck as I take baby steps into this new venture.

*"Iqra" was the first commandment from Allah the Almighty to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). The word means "Read" in Arabic.

A (hardly) funny story

So leading up to June 25, I was getting pensive. The husband clearly didn't remember that special date. He went about his busy routine with nary an acknowledgement. And I guess, after 15 years, you forget.

A day before that date, I pulled myself together, made my way to the mall to buy him a present and brought the kids along as they were on the tail end of their school holidays. They wanted to know why we were buying a present and I told them it's for our wedding anniversary. Then they wanted to know what their daddy was buying me and I said, well, I don't know and even if he didn't it would be OK because I don't expect anything back from giving this gift. My verbalised self-righteousness was lost on the kids as they went "really?" and quickly helped me choose a gift.

All this time, I was telling myself, give a gift because you want to and it would please God, not because you want something back. I repeated that mantra all the way home. June 24 night, he said nothing. I tried to fight back tears.

As I woke up for fajar the next day, I left my gift on his beside table and went about my routine. I came back to the room and saw the gift gone from his table. He came out of the shower and said "Hey, thanks for the present!", a wide grin across his face. I gave him a glare and said "You're most welcome." He got confused and asked, "What's the occasion?"

I had to control myself from crying and in my most caustic tone said, "Oh, nothing. Just that it's our 15th anniversary. No biggie, really."

Him: "Huh? But it's not today, sayang. You forgot our wedding date?"

I couldn't believe he not only forgot our wedding anniversary, he is now saying I am WRONG? The cheek he has!

Me: "I didn't forget, you did. And now you are trying to shift the blame on me."

Him: "I know I'm right. Let's check right now. That drawer, the marriage certificate is in that drawer."

Me: "Yes I know where it is because I put it there, thankyouverymuch."

I made my way to the drawer, indignant that I had to prove the very date he promised to love and care for me for the rest of his life. I looked at the certificate and said, "See?? It says June 29! Oh."

Him: "And today's June 25."

Me: "Oh. Hmm. OK but we've been married for 15 years and you were going to forget that fact, too."

Him: "No, we'd be married for 14 years by then."

As I was doing the mental math with me eyes probably darting left to right in a systematic fashion, the husband counted the number of years on his fingers and used mine for the additional four fingers he needed. I hate being wrong.

But I love being married for 14 years on June 25, I mean June 29.

Of cavities and swollen cheek

Prior to our week-long holiday in Melaka and Kuala Lumpur, the kids knew they had a visit to the dentist when we came back. Except for Farah, who was with her school drama club in an exchange programme in Adelaide. Can I just quickly digress that I am *amazed* at these so-called school trips. When I was in school, the furthest we went was Melaka and that was a treat. These days, schools take kids to ALL OVER the world. I know kids who went to New Zealand, Portugal and China with their school. Schools must be the next big target for travel agencies! We paid close to $2K for Farah's trip and she was going to stay with a family for 5 days and in a 3 star motel for only 2 days. The husband thinks its a rip-off but we couldn't quite get another travel agency to provide us with a cheaper quote, could we?

Anyway, back to the story. So the other two kids had the dentist look at their little pearlies. Sara went first and I thought it would be a breeze. The kid has white baby teeth brushes religiously. But no. She had two cavities - each on the left and right molar. One had a broken filling and another which was close to the nerves and would require a root canal. The thing about kid-friendly dentist is they distract the kids with a huge screen that can play any movie on-demand and for Sara, she gets a funky looking heart-shaped sunglasses as well to wear. She was happy with Barbie playing on the big screen and didn't know what the dentist was saying to me. I said no to the root canal, I said we'll leave that for another time. In fact, I suggested extraction instead but the dentist did warn me it could create alignment problems later on and I acknowledged that but sheesh, a root canal for a 7-year old was too cruel I thought. So, the dentist went on to fill the other cavity only to find that they need to clean the cavity and it was close to a nerve too. By that time, I was feeling rather cold and faint while Sara still had NO idea.

To cut a long story short, the topical anesthesia didn't work. A couple of screams and Noooos later, she was injected twice to block the nerves completely. Sara was crying and I was almost lying on the dentist chair next to Sara to calm her down. But a super trooper that she was, she held on to me and stayed on until the entire procedure was done.

When we left the dentist, she still couldn't feel her cheeks and as a result kept biting into her lips and cheeks that she's now ended up with a swollen lip and cheek. She's now frighten of dentists and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get her to return to extract that other molar. Hmmm.

Danial had it easy. His adult teeth were cleaned and polished and he's thinking his now-sparkling smile will quite blind us. I should've asked for the heart-shaped sunglasses to bring home.

PS: Do you like my new template?? After five-plus years, I think this blog could do with a refreshed look, don't you think?

Where's the karate?

We brought the kids to watch The Karate Kid movie - along with the Bhutias who came to visit us. All five kids were dying to watch Jaden Smith and the husband and Mr Bhutia are a long-time fans of Jackie Chan. Mrs Bhutia and I were outnumbered and we simply followed the crowd.

So considering it was Sat night and the movie was apparently popular, most of the cineplexes were sold out but the kids were in luck and we ended up in a nearby cineplex where we could get decent seats for all nine of us. So while I was watching the movie (way past my bedtime) I couldn't help but think if Jackie would make a good Mr Miyagi.

Then it occured to me. While the "earlier" Karate Kid movies were on karate, this movie is all about KUNG-FU set in China. Talk about a deceiving title. Buyers beware!

The kids thought the movie was hugely entertaining. The two daddies were quite pleased with the kung-fu action. I was being a cranky old lady and was mildly entertained. The popcorn was good though.

Maid-to-order

I never knew disciplining a kid could make me laugh-out-loud. No, I am not being sadistic and no feelings were hurt, except for Sara's. But I think she will laugh about this when she's older too.

Our story starts with Sara doing her homework in my room. I was working from home and was keeping an eye on the work she was doing while reading and reporting on a report - I know, reporting on a report sounds silly but it's part of what I need to do for work. Anyhow, Sara went from sitting next to me, to sprawling on the floor to climbing into my bed. The result of that trail is a mess that covered most part of my room. So I had to then supervise her to clean the room.

Cleaning up includes removing the eraser bits that were all over the floor with a small broom, to putting my pillows back properly on my bed to throwing out used papers. After two sets of instructions the little girl was getting moody. She started to stomp her feet and glare at me. When I asked her what's wrong, what came out of her mouth was nothing short of amazement. She said, "Why do you treat me like a maid?!" My immediate reaction was a guffaw which was not appreciated because she stomped out of my room cyring and I later heard her complaining to my mother.

After a few minutes, I went to her room and tried to explain to her why she had to clean up. Her defence was since it was my room which was messy, then I have to clean up because it was MY room. This is because she has to clean her own room and she's never asked me to clean HER room. Of course the fact that she messed my room up is immaterial at this stage. So in the end, she did finish cleaning up the mess, albeit grudgingly.

That evening, I was tucking her in and saw a piece of paper in her room and saw her scribblings on it. I picked it up and all was revealed:

"My mother trits me like a maid! She said I must clean up her room. It is HER room and I have to clean it up?! She is so bossy! My bibik is not even trited like a mid but I am. And the worse part? She didn't even say thank you! And that is so rud. And she always remind me to say thank you! I am so angry."

Kid, you have no idea how cute you are.

Well hellooo there

This blog is in need of resuscitation. The diagnosis is severe; persistent neglect. Why have gone MIA? That's a loaded question my friend. And I would answer it in parts. Some parts being too distracted by real life, most parts just plain lazy. Poor excuse I know, but hey.

So, since the last post I had, many many things have happened.

Sara seemed to have turn the corner as far as her math grades go. The school she is currently attending only tests kids at mid year and final year. Lots of Kum/on, tuition and practice hours later, she emerged with a 70% pass for her math midyear exams. My little super trooper was thrilled beyond words and this dramamama was moved to tears. She is even more enthused with practising and studying now more than ever, alhamdulillah. She's been begging to join a ballet class. We relented and I can see she's quite enjoying it (even though the husband is not too keen on seeing his little girl in leotards and a see through skirt).

The other two kiddies also turned in results which marked improvements from the first term results but they both know they could achieve much more.

And speaking of achievement, we enrolled Danial into a camp this June holidays. It's costing us a lot of money but we do hope that this camp can help jump start the boy into being self-motivated and help him realise his full potential. Today is Day 3 of the camp and he seemed to quite enjoy the experience.

Farah did well enough for us to agree to her joining a school trip to Adelaide at the end of the month. She knows she is capable of getting better grades and so we have set out goals for her to achieve for her finals. I must say I am thankful that we are not going through severe bouts of teenage angsts and mood swings.

As for the husband, he is still travelling for work. Aiming to run a marathon towards the end of the year. Took up cycling with a couple of other friends and enjoying his bike rides that start at 6am and cycling for tens of kms each weekend. Insanity to others, thrilling to some.

Yours truly do miss blogging. Thoughts of closing this blog down have crossed my mind especially since I started this blog to talk about my kids when they were younger. Now, they are much older and well, our lives are getting a bit more routine to blog about. So I am thinking of changing the course of this blog. I might stay here or start another blog...not sure yet. But whatever it is, I will be sure to let you know.

Attention!

I was that startled when he mentioned he hasn't seen the pair of shoes before (which I bought a couple of weeks ago and was going to put them on this morning). Or that he noticed there was a new top I had in my wardrobe. What next?? Oh this is too much for my heart!

Mawlid

The Mawlid season is wrapping up and my mum, to coincide with inviting her masjid friends over to her new residence, invited her friends over to commemorate Mawlid with berzanji and nasheed. So we had about 20 ladies over on a wet Saturday afternoon; much to my mum's delight (and relief), almost all of her friends came over, braving the heavy rain.

Since it was an all-ladies event, my dad and the husband parked themselves nicely at the first floor. We also invited some relatives over and the two men of the house made the most of the situation by putting hosting skills to good use by mostly saying hello and pointing to where the food and drinks are...just kidding.

The berzanji session was beautiful. I was amazed that these ladies have such beautiful voices that they are putting to good use to praise the Almighty Allah. At the end of the 45minute session, I was moved with all the selawat and berzanji that my eyes weren't dry at the end of the entire session. I looked around and saw a number of other ladies dabbing their eyes as well.

It was certainly a nice sight to see my mum with her friends - some of whom I knew since I was a little girl. Some friends you want to keep and some friendships just last a lifetime.

Contagious

Just when I thought that my son is the only one in the family with a bad case of cornyjokelitis, I discoverd to my horror that the condition might be contagious and the latest victiom is the littlest girl in the house. And it's looking worse than I could ever imagine.

Her: Mummy, why can't the zebra cross the road?
Here we go...
Me: Because there is no zebra crossing?
Her: Good try, but no.
Me: OK, tell me the answer?
Her: Because the zebra could not bring herself to step on another zebra who's crossing the road because that other zebra is actually a zebra crossing. Geddit mummy, geddit?
And in her gentlest voice, out came a shocking BWAHAHAHA.

Sigh.

Corny lives here

My son, has the potential to be one of Jay Leno's writers when he grows up. He just needs a lot of time polishing his talent and soon, he'll be ready. I think. In the meantime, here are some of jokes he regaled us with.


What starts with "T", ends with "T" and is filled with "T"?
(After every riddle, he asks, "Give up? Sure you want to give up?")
Tea-pot!!
(And each time he gives you the answer, it has to be followed by a huge BWA-HAHAHA, and usually it's just his and the husband's)

What do you call a mouse who's just had a shower?
("Give up? Sure you want to give up?")
Squeaky clean!
(BWA-HAHAHA)

How do you make a tissue paper dance?
("Give up? Sure you want to give up?")
Put some booger in it!
(BWA-HAHAHA)

Bring it up a notch, please

OK, so if you don't like or don't watch American Idol, you may safely skip this post.

My gripe about this new season is - why is it that everyone on the show sing slow songs and playing the guitar? OK not, everyone but almost. Like, where is the spunk? Where is the entertainment? They might as well call this season American Snoozer.

There's one girl who plays the digital piano but she was so unoriginal she was mauled by the judges. And this is in addition to MY arm-chair critique of her. Fail. She will so be going home.

And what is going on with Kara and Simon? Can we please cut out the sideshow and just focus on the kids?

Dudes, please step on it and make this season an interesting watch.

PS: As you can tell, I take this show very seriously. Don't laugh.

The birds and the whaaat??

I cannot believe this is the time. This week alone (and this week is not even DONE yet) I have had two kids come to me to ask me about the birds and the, yes.

First off, a cranky Farah rolled herself to my room one night. Eyes squinting. Body slouched. As she approached me, she slouched even more, and dramatically threw herself on my bed. She closed her eyes as she muttered the words that shocked me.

"Mummy, please do not sign me up for any more sex education class. I want to opt out the next one. PLEEAASE!," she pleaded. Of course such theatrics should be matched with more theatrics and so turned my head and said, "Huh, what? You had sex ed? Today? In school I hope!"

"YES, I did and that's because you said I should attend. It was disgusting. They showed us all how to put a c/ond/om over a banana! Like, YUCK! It's GROSS!" And as she was rolling in MY bed, ruffling up my clean and tightly pulled bedsheet, she pleaded with more gusto about getting out of the next one. Which will be held, get this. Next year. I'm all for future planning so I gave her a break and told her OK, I will opt her out.

The second chapter to this story starts with me and Danial at the supermarket. We were getting ready for a barbeque that night and I was buying stuff to you know, barbeque.

As we were waiting in line to pay for our groceries, I saw Danial eyeing the candy just before we got to the cash register. I was ready to tell him no to chocolates or sweets.

Him: Why are c/o/nd/oms so expensive?

Me: No sweets or chocolates before dinner. We are having a barbeque tonight and your uncle is making creme bru...huh? What did you say??

Him: Co/nd/oms. Why are they expensive?

There's me, looking at the sweets and chocolates that are lined up nicely and just above them, there they were. Multiple types with a variety of colours and flavours.

Me: Er, I don't know why they cost that much. But, wait what do you know about them? Who taught you?

Him: I first thought they were sweets and I asked *elder cousin boy A* if those tastes good. And he laughed at me saying those are not sweets. He told me what these are called.

Me: What else did he tell you? At this point, I started to notice a young mother who was behind me listening to our conversation and the elderly man in front of us, grinning. Why? I don't know...

Him: Nothing. He told me what it's for. It just sounds gross.

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I had to ask

Me: What is it for?

Him: For men to wear over his ...

Me: Okay fine, you know what it's for. Just so you know, you are too young to think about...

Him: Mummy, I just told you it's gross. I don't know why adults do what they do to make babies.

At that point, I think the boy has heard enough (I know I had) and decided to let the matter rest by asking him to help me carry some of the groceries.

Next time anyone asks me, I'll tell them to speak to their father! That or distract them with some candy.

Things people say...

...at work and meetings.

I present to you a collection of the wonderful business wisdom that I personally have heard, overheard or read.

- We need to be vigilante.
- It is a challenge of the challenging situation
- We do not take the eye of the ball.
- Who knows who will win?
- Growth and succeed do not come easy.
- Internalise what I said before you ask any questions.
- We need to create a greater than great plan.
- Collaboration, not uncollaboration is key.

Feel free to jump in with your own favourites.

Hmmm

Besides stating the obvious such as "What? It's February ALREADY?" or "I haven't updated this blog for how long now?" I feel like I've been sucked into what some would call "daily routine" and have had no time for anything else.

If I hadn't said it before, Sara is quite enjoying her new school. She did make me nervous by saying her teachers are "grumpy" and "yell a lot" and I thought, oh no...she's going to ask to go back to her old school. Or when she came home and asked me what the words "chewren" and "tarme" mean because she heard some teachers used them and I thought, oh no...I will have to send her back to her old school.

While that child is nicely adapting to her new routine, I had a naughty little boy who misbehaved. We found out Danial has been nicely going to school with his school t-shirt everyday when students are only allowed to be in t-shirt on PE days. His logic when we asked why he'd done that? Was simply, the weather is too hot to be wearing collared shirt and he didn't like being all sweaty and hot. But rules, they are meant to be obeyed so we told him no-go but made a deal that he could change into his t-shirt when he walks to my SIL's after school.

We also caught him covertly playing computer games when he's not supposed to and skipping homework. I was floored; what happened to the sweet little boy I used to know? So in the end, his CPU is now sitting nicely in my room and the husband and I check his school bag daily to ensure he's done what he needs to do.

Besides all these drama, both Sara and Danial have one thing in common. They both want to quit Kumon. Whines such as the worksheets are too difficult and there isn't enough time to complete the worksheets where met with rational counter reasons. I know I sound like a crazy mum, but the worksheets only take less than half hour to complete and they have enough time for TV, ride their bicycles and read daily. They are resisting the discipline that is needed to complete the worksheets and that is the one thing that will help them succeed in life. Talent without discipline amounts to nothing, I told them with my sage hat firmly on my head.

Danial is still being observed. He'll need to earn our trust to be able to get his little luxuries back. And he knows that too. While Farah didn't have too bad of a teenage rebellion, I half suspect this time around, the teenage typhoon will hit us harder with this little boy. Sigh.

Life's reminder

An old and dear friend, whose house I used to frequent when we had school projects to complete or when we just wanted to take refuge in her air conditioned and cozy bedroom away from the hot and humid weather, the same room which kept us away from her two elder pesky brothers, just told me her dad had been diagnosed with cancer. A detailed scan revealed more tumours and the prognosis is bleak.

She's being pulled in many directions at the moment. She works full time, her husband is away most days of the month due to the nature of his job, she has a son to care for and she is now her mum's and dad's emotional crutch during this trying time.

I can't even begin to imagine her exhaustion, both physical and mental exhaustion, that she is going through right now. I can only offer her a prayer that she is given strength and faith to go through and overcome this trial.

And may I also request that you send through your du'a or best thoughts to my father-in-law who is also going through some health issues as well. May he recover quickly and always remember to take his medications regularly. And may the Almighty keeps all of us safe and healthy as we begin the new decade. Ameen.