Life's reminder

An old and dear friend, whose house I used to frequent when we had school projects to complete or when we just wanted to take refuge in her air conditioned and cozy bedroom away from the hot and humid weather, the same room which kept us away from her two elder pesky brothers, just told me her dad had been diagnosed with cancer. A detailed scan revealed more tumours and the prognosis is bleak.

She's being pulled in many directions at the moment. She works full time, her husband is away most days of the month due to the nature of his job, she has a son to care for and she is now her mum's and dad's emotional crutch during this trying time.

I can't even begin to imagine her exhaustion, both physical and mental exhaustion, that she is going through right now. I can only offer her a prayer that she is given strength and faith to go through and overcome this trial.

And may I also request that you send through your du'a or best thoughts to my father-in-law who is also going through some health issues as well. May he recover quickly and always remember to take his medications regularly. And may the Almighty keeps all of us safe and healthy as we begin the new decade. Ameen.

An ode

The wonders of Facebook is such that you get connected to long-lost friends, and get to choose who you include in your friends list and who you don't. What you choose to share with your friends and they share with you, become the basis of what you know about them and they about you.

But I've recently discovered, Facebook is also a tool to announce deaths. A few weeks ago, I learnt about an old schoolmate who passed away. At age 39, she succumbed to cancer and left behind a distraught husband and five young kids. How my heart breaks. I could only cry silent tears and a quiet prayer. Never mind I have not seen her in years. We connected online and caught up via Facebook. And that was enough. The the effect of learning about her passing is devastating to me.

This friend will be remembered as a strong and courageous Muslimah. And I pray her children will be given strength to continue with their lives.

And then on the weekend, I learnt about the passing of yet another wonderful human being. My favourite movie director, Yasmin Ahmad, passed away suddenly. I don't know her personally but follow her blog and watch her movies. But the news of her passing still struck me as if she's a friend.

Yasmin leaves a huge void in the Malay film industry. She raised the industry's benchmark - viewers are no longer happy with the status quo - the viewers having tasted intelligent movies that encompasses more than boy-meets-girl and the associated drama, will demand more. But I'm not sure if the current calibre of directors we have out there will rise to the occasion.

From God we come, and to Him we return.

Money talks

After the husband's parents came to meet my parents in the traditional way of seeking their approval in asking for my hand in marriage, my mother came up to me with a few worldly wise advice.

The first thing she told me was that I needed to improve on a lot of things in preparation for my being someone's wife. The reality is I can't cook for nuts although I do a very mean job of cleaning the house. Clearly, that was not going to cut it. According to her, the way to a man's heart is via his stomach, and you can only do that with good food, not with a toilet brush or Clorox.

So besides having to learn how to cook - she had given up on teaching me how to bake; sometimes you just have to know and accept your limitations, no? - she gave me a long talk about how I need to ensure I am financially independent. So the subtle nuance behind that last advice is, whatever you do, do not freaking stop working. Coming from a housewife, it makes you sit up and listen and be all confused all at the same time.

Anyways, I never stopped working. Not because I didn't want to be dependent financially, but also because I like my job. And it makes it more crucial for me to continue working now because my parents depend on me.

The third advice she had for me, was that I need to make sure I have a secret stash of money that no one else knows about including the spouse. This is to be called the Rainy Day fund. Others call it the slush fund. She reckons this is really necessary to set aside because you never know when you'll need it. And I believe she wasn't talking about needing it for a new handbag.

Then I read this story.

The husband and I share various bank accounts. I maintain a couple of accounts myself and so does he. But we are very open to sharing how much or little we have.

I have since learnt that many of my girlfriends think that too much sharing of that kind of information is not a good idea. They agree with my mother, in that all women need to have their secret squirrel savings account that is so secret even their husband or partner don't know it exists. I also have friends whose husband don't really know how much they earn every month; likewise they don't know how much their husband brings home. They only need to know that every bill is either split up between them and the rest is, well, better left unknown.

I'm beginning to feel like a freak because amongst all my friends, I'm the only who believes you need to completely remove your kimono when you get married. There should be no secrets. I don't see why you need to keep things away from each other when you have already promised the rest of your life with the other person. Maybe I am a freak. And naive.

But I know I would be darn hurt if I ever found out the husband had his slush fund kept away somewhere. Because I could sure use that money for that other handbag I've been eyeing.

Turning one year older...

...and wiser too, I hope. I'm 37 today, inching ohsoclose to the big 4-0. But somehow I don't "feel" 37, although I don't really know how a 37 year old *should* feel.

I just know I feel blessed.

Thanks for all the SMS and email, y'all. You do know how to make my day. xx

Be well, dear friend

A very good friend of mine will be celebrating his birthday later this week. We've known each other since we were 17 and out of all my friends at that junior college, he's been the only one I've kept in touch with. He works outside of Singapore but that has not stopped us from catching up on each others' lives and well-being.

The best part about this friendship is how we both can be honest with each other about everything and everyone. He kept me strong when I was languishing about a relationship that was never meant to be and was there when I lost my way in life. It's quite funny how we can complete each others' sentences.

He also opened my eyes to things in life that I have been sheltered from. When he came out to me, what seemed like many years ago, I was shocked and saddened. And it forced me to evaluate my personal biasness, my own prejudices. It also caused my long-held personal and religious beliefs of what is right and wrong, what is black and white, all topsy-turvy. Over time though, I realised that even though, there is an aspect of him that is different from the person I first knew, he is basically the same guy I went to school with.

He is funny; wickedly funny. He is a sentimental - he pinged me today to tell me he found letters I wrote to him from way back when. He is caring and he is kind. And he is my bestest guy friend. And the husband is OK with that since he would never be romantically attracted to me :)

So, to you my dearest, Happy Birthday. Keep well. And please, when you see them next, don't encourage my kids about having a pet cat.

The Boathouse

I had the wonderful chance of catching up with a long lost colleague, Sara Goss. I haven't seen her in over six years and I remember her as the smart and crazy Scottish girl, whose accent I had to really get used to.

She's still smart and crazy, only difference is, she's now married and running a successful B&B back in Scotland with her husband. I was so excited to hear she was the finalist in the Scottish Young Businessperson of the Year.

And no small wonder! I looked at her B&B website and was blown away at how beautiful it is, and thought I should share it with you. Here it is, The Boathouse, on the Isle of Bute, Scotland. It's really gorgeous.