Ponder on this...

I had a very bad nightmare last night. I dreamt I was in a car accident with the husband. The accident itself is quite funny, come to think about it. We got into my car - someone else was driving so we got onto the back seat. For some reason, the car was parked on a trapped door which opened up once we got in and plunged us straight down. Long story short, we both died. Then I started to see the kids. I saw the kids crying uncontrollably and they were screaming in disbelief. There was no picture of calmness and serenity. It was chaotic and heart wrenching. I woke up in tears.

Because I am morbid, I have had conversations with the husband every now and then about how I want the kids to be raised should I die ahead of him. And I told him my jewellery may not be passed on to his new wife (I know, digression but hey, we need a light moment at this point). Surprisingly, the husband said he sees no need to tell me how to raise the kids if he went first since he knows I would continue to be the best mum for them. Hmmm. Ouch.

But what if we both died at the same time? We have not made any plans for that. And that worries me. I wonder if any of our siblings would step forward to look after our kids. In that instance, I remember Farah's late mother, and understand how she felt as she laid on her death bed and asked if the husband would look after her only daughter.

My emotions are in overdrive today - can you tell? But these are hard questions that I need to think about and find some sort of resolution to. Because death can happen at any time. And apart from worrying about how I shall face God and be answerable for all my deeds in this world, I think it's only fair for me to ensure my kids will also find peace and the resolve to move on with their lives when I'm not there with them.