Travel tale

Scene 1: Onboard a Sydney-Singapore flight. It was a full flight; a certain business traveller was making her way to her seat, carrying with her, her handbag and her computer bag. Our traveller found her seat and she was trying to stow her computer bag in the compartment above her seat when...

Jackass - Don't crush my hat with your computer bag!
Traveller - Huh? (Turned around and saw a burly tattooed Frenchman pointing a finger at her). I don't see any hat in the compartment.
Jackass - Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.
Traveller - If I can't see it, I can't avoid it.
Jackass - Find another compartment.
Traveller - No, you find your hat and keep it with you. It is a hat, so maybe on your head would be a good place? (She placed her computer bag in the compartment and sat down and buckled up.)
Jackass - (Said something in French)
Traveller - (Having worked in a French company, she recognised a swear word, stood up, turned around and looked at the Jackass, who is easily double her size). Did you say something to me?
Jackass - (Taken aback) No, no.
Traveller - Good. (Took her seat) Dickhead.

Scene 2 - There was serious turbulence. The captain ordered that cabin service be suspended and all passengers to sit and fasten their seat belts. A few minutes into the turbulence...

Jackass - (Stood up and started walking on the aisle)
Stewardess - Sorry sir, you have to remain seated. You can't leave your seat.
Jackass - I need to go to the toilet. You won't let me go?
Stewardess - Sir, it's very dangerous for you to walk around right now.
Jackass - So what do you suggest I do? Because I need to go to the bathroom. (And he said something loudly in French as he continued walking)
Traveller - (Muttering under her breath) Dear God, please let us lose some altitude right now so the dickhead can be sent flying across the cabin and be suitably injured.
Stewardess - Sir, if you don't go back to your seat right now, we will have to restrain you.
Jackass - Alright, alright (and he said something else in French).

If only the plane had lost just enough altitude at that precise moment...